Bored

People, in general, bore me. Recently I had to take a long look in the mirror and think about some stuff. During Nationals for debate I spent a lot of time with one of the new females on the team. We weren't partners or anything so everybody seemed to notice the time we were spending together. Eventually the spectators decided to become commentators and told this girl that all I wanted to do was have sex with her. She didn't buy anything they were saying and told me about it. I was pissed, these are supposed to be my friends and they're saying things like this behind my back? That's not how friends treat each other. It hurt because of how close I've been with these people lately, but this isn't the first time they've painted me as a "man-whore" so I had to sit back and think about why this keeps happening. Apparently in telling my new friend about how I wanted to get in her pants, a couple of girls on the team were able to give examples of advances I've made towards them. Their stories were true, I made those advances, so that made it easier to understand why they think this way about me. Then I had to look at myself, why did I make this advances at these girls that I really had no attraction to or interest in? That's where the boredom comes in. 

If I don't something interesting about the people I'm interacting with, I'll fallback to something that does interest me, sex. By the time I've decided that sex is the topic of choice, I don't really care about what this person thinks about me so I'll say just about anything though the words carry little weight (at least to me). Unfortunately, that is what's happened with most of the people on this team, thus I have the "man-whore" rep. Not because of any actions, as I haven't hooked up with anyone on the team, but because of talk. The new girl, and even the new guy I had been partnered with at the last tournament, were actually interresting people. I don't have to introduce sex into the conversations with either of them, but because of the rep I have with the rest of the team it's assumed that I'm just talking to her to get in her pants. The sexual conversations also serve as a way to distance these people from me. Since I've keptthem at such a distance, they don't know me, but since I've kept them at a distance through the sexual conversations they've still painted me as a shallow man that only wants sex. 

So, to summerize all this: People bore me, sex doesn't. I talk to boring people about sex, and sometimes go to far because I don't care. Keeping the conversations sexual keeps a real relationship from developing with the boring people. In general we like to think we k ow people so we'll use whatever info we have to paint an image of them. The image the boring people have of me is that of a shallow "man-whore."

I've created this world and I have to deal with it. I can't really be upset with these people if I've only let them see just one side of me can I? Guess I'll just have to figure that out myself.