Being The Other Man

I'm the one who's there when he's not. Im' the one you come to when you don't want to think about how bad your relationship is or if you just want to forget about the troubles of life. I'm the one you feel no commitment to. I'm the one who only gets parts of you. I'm the reminder of your past who may or may not fit into your future. I'm the ghost that appears in your nightmares and the light that brightens up your day. I'm the one who does it like he never could. I knew you before he did. I loved you before he did. I'm the one who longs for more, but settles for less. I forget my morals and lay them to the side for you. I press my lips against yours, our bodies intertwine like a mosaic of mocha and peach. I make you feel loved, yet make you feel like a whore. I believe the words that come from your mouth because I close my eyes to your actions. I've made the same mistake that many men and women before me have made and I still come back for more. I'm the other man who may never be your only man.

Small town summer...

As is usual lately, I don't have any big plans this summer. Just to switch things up though, I have my own apartment so I'm staying here all summer. This town is a whole different beast with no one here. I've done it before as an orientation leader and a summer camp counselor, so there were others with me. Not so much this summer. As for as co-workers all I have is the other campus rep who's not really my biggest fan, so time spent together outside of work is minimal. Needless to say, this has definitely been a different summer. Fortunately it didn't take summer school too long to start, so there are signs of life here again. In fact I'm going out to the village tonight with a new group of friends I met randomly over the weekend. Here's to a fun night! I'll have a more detailed update of my summer thus far sometime later this week.

2012

According to some people, the world will end in just over two years. Two years and everything we know, every person we've loved, the very evidence of our existence will be gone.

I am not one of those people.

The whole 2012 concept seems to be bogus. Just a bunch of hype and I refuse to believe it. Is it impossible? No, nothing is impossible, just like it's not impossible that Jesus was the son of God, Muhammad was a messenger/prophet, or that Buddha is holy. It takes just as much faith to believe in 2012 as it does to believe in anything else not solidly founded in science. My lack of belief has nothing to do with faith or science. Honestly, it's just selfishness.

Yesterday  went on a bike ride and I saw a lot of people, but two things stood out to me. An old couple holding hands, and all the families with children. I saw the old couple and I wondered if they knew when they first met that they'd be spending the rest of their lives together (of course that's making the assumption they met when they were young). I want to have that with someone. I want to be that old couple walking by the water holding hands. I want that, yet I know I won't have it before 2012, I'll only be 25 when the predicted end of the world happens. That's nowhere near old enough to really appreciate the time I've been with someone like that old couple does. And while that's enough time to have a kid and raise it for a couple of years, it's not enough time to have a family. I want a family. I want to be able to teach my kids about life and watch as they ignore my warnings. I want to lay next to my wife and tell her I love her every night and every morning. I know I'm not the only one who wants all that, there are millions if not billions of other people on this earth looking for the same thing. Not only do I want it, but I believe I'll have it some day. Someday after 2012. The thought that I could miss out on so much of life really scares me. It's that fear that drives me to believe the 2012 theory is nothing but hype. And if it isn't all hype, and the world does end in 2012, well... guess it'll be too late to care if I was right or wrong then.  

Virgin Suicides

Virginity. What does it mean to you? I can't say it meant anything to me personally. For those of you who know my story, you may understand why. For the most part, I don't really get into other people's business when it comes to virginity. It's their choice to do it or not. My only thing is that I won't date a girl or have sex with a girl who is a virgin, unless I see us going the distance. In the few times I've talked to people who are serious about saving it for marriage the conversation is usually pretty nice. No fighting, or stupid arguments, just an exchange of views on the subject. Lately I've found myself entangled in the mind of another girl who is saving it for marriage. For her, its's definitely a religious thing, and she seems deathly afraid of STD's. Someone who is serious about saving it for marriage may find the dating scene in college to be quite unforgiving. According to her "Guys only go for fast girls," which makes her question if she really wants to save it. She's already come close (I'd say technically she's done it), but she has yet to take the full plunge. I don't know if it's my new perspective on life and religion, or something subconscious, but something about her situation really bothers me. I guess it just seems like she's making it into a big huge deal, but she only treats it like that most of the time. I say most of the time because this is the same girl who, in our first conversation, brought up the "freaky pictures" she takes of herself and offered to send them to me. At first I thought maybe she had "daddy issues" but he's still around. Makes me wonder about the time the do or don't spend together. Either way, she really wants to feel that romantic connection with someone, and for many (including myself) that connection involves more than she's willing to give.

I'm not saying sex and romance go hand and hand, for they're two very separate entities, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with someone if you have strong enough feelings for them. Some may call those feelings love, others may call it lust, either way, there's something in the mind that makes the act more than physical recreation. As far as the religious stance people take on it, that's really been lost in translation. I won't go into it too much here, but for those interested look up the the Greek word for 'fornication' you may be surprised by the results. In the end, what we do with our hearts and minds in a relationship should take precedent over our genitals touching. This past week another girl told me she won't have sex until she's married or until there's a 100% method of doing it with getting an STD. No, the fact that condoms give you 99% protection isn't enough for her. That's just an excuse though. Yes, both of these girls are scared, but it's not a fear of STD's, sinning, or having a man look at her as damaged goods and refuse to take her hand in marriage. It's got to be something else. I don't know why, but something tells me it is. Or maybe I've just over-analyzed an entire situation that really isn't any of my business anyway. Like I said, I don't really care much, but the lack of a logical argument from these two girls really annoys me. What bothers me, and what I do care about are the underlying issues and messages that may lay in their subconscious minds that prevent them from making a logical argument for something they're convinced they care so much about.